| Hey...I'm not really even for sure if anyone reads this anymore...but I thought I'd try posting anyways...
In a few days, I'll be getting back on plane to fly back to the States...I'm know I should be so excited about going home, eating the "American" food I've missed, taking a hot shower, and sleeping in my own bed... BUT, I'm not. El Salvador has become home to me. This is where my heart is....this is where I've found myself. Last year at CBC was an excellent year for me and God pulled a lot out of me...yet, this summer has totally changed who I am. Even the little things have changed. Yesterday, I noticed how the normal things for me to do here are going to be so awkward in the States... switching from English to Spanish 3x's in one sentence, facial expression and other cultural gestures,etc.
I've been and done so many things I never could have imagined this summer and every area of my life has been stretched, challenged, and ultimately molded into something I never thought possible. Even on my time off, I has such a blast and did so many things...hung out at a baby house for malnurished babies and loved on them, gone to the local surfers spot along the coast, been to a beauitful laguna for the afternoon, received a pedicure, climbed a volcanoe, went swimming in a volcanoe, ate so many new things, went to a fair, etc. It's been a blast....however, the thing that changed me the most was ministry....I wrote this the other day I think it sums up my internship this summer pretty well.....
Everyday I have walked into the people of El Salvadors lives, and seeing their desperation, has left me forever marked. There were some days where I felt like every where I turned I was being stretched and challenged. My mind was being broken of my American concept of things; my body was being broken into submission-- learning what true labor and work was all about; and my heart was being stretched to love the unlovable. Waking up every morning, knowing that I was able to spend one more day watching life after life totally transformed made the early mornings and late nights worth it. I literally watched as the Bible came alive to me. I saw food multiplied, I saw the multitudes come to Christ, I saw the little Children come unto Jesus, I saw healings, I saw souls set free. What greater satisfaction is there than to know that what you are doing and are apart of is ultimately life changing history happening before your own eyes. Every day I was able to watch as a childs eyes light up as you hugged them, despite the lice and sores all over their body; seeing hope in an elderly ladies eyes when you stopped in to pray with her, knowing shes been totally abandoned by all; and handing food to a homeless man, realizing he hasnt eaten since the last week you were there to work nothing less than life-changing.for their lives, but also for mine.
This summer, Ive learned that sacrifice ( eating whatever is given you, getting sick, sleeping on concrete floors within a two by three ft. area, taking a shower in a kitchen with a bucket of frozen water and pale to throw the water over you, working in pouring rain, sleeping with iguanas and scorpions on the wall beside you, climbing mountains, getting cuts and bruises, and giving every last ounce of energy you have, all with a smileand then realizing you still have two more streets programs and a house visitation to do) is absolutely worth it, because you see the peoples eyes and they mark your soul for the rest of your life and you realize that what we label as sacrifice really truly isnt sacrifice, because the people you are ministering to are giving you everything they have to make you feel so blessed in there home. They have nothing, yet they still give. What am I willing to sacrifice now..Everything. giving of my life really is no sacrifice
, I I guess I'm writing all this, because I don't want to go back to CBC and be the same... I love who God's begun to mold me to be..and I don't want to forget anything I've seen or done this summer... I don't want to go back to being the old Beth... I want to continue to be the Beth that I am now...the Beth that lives to minister to the hurting, the dirty, and the dying...the Beth that gives of her time willing to meet the needs of others...the Beth that loves relentlessly without being afraid of getting hurt....the Beth that is passionate about life and full of joy...a Beth that is free from her past, not bound to her present, and isn't consumed with what to do about her future.... the Beth that loves Jesus with all her heart and knows what it means to pray, to interceed, to listen, and to follow.
I |
